Revenge

One of the best example of revenge is perhaps the last World Cup match between the Netherlands (NL) against Spain (SPA). NL, one of the best teams in the world who never won World Cup started slow and even got behind after Alonso's penalty. I watched around 10 minutes after the goal, and it seemed that the situation was the same like the previous World Cup Finals, 4 years ago. So I considered, OK, what the hell, shutting down the live streaming, thinking that NL would lose anyway.

Apparently, the result was the opposite, NL came back from behind from Van Persie's amazing goal and after that Robben & Van Persie were torturing SPA's poor defense. Robben, the amazing dribbler, got his total redemption after beating Casillas, twice in style. I wonder what he felt when he scored the goals, as he failed to convert the golden chance 4 years ago into a goal (also against Casillas). Another interesting thing is, NL's defense was filled with young players. One of them is Daley Blind, this guy was amazing in the match by providing two assists to Robben and Van Persie. Looking at his last name, perhaps you're wondering whether he has family relationship with Danny Blind, former Ajax captain and currently the assistant coach of NL team. Indeed, he's the son of Danny Blind. Daley, just named as the best footballer in NL, proved that he has the potential to become a star. Who knows, Van Gaal will bring him to Manchester United next season.

Ok, 5-1 against Spain was an unbelievable result. No one in the world would expect that SPA would be pounded by NL like that. But I think NL need to regroup again, prevent the team to sucked in a useless euphoria. It's 5-1 but it's only worth 3 points, they still in the group stage and there are two matches ahead of them. I think the senior players like Robben, Van Persie, Sneijder still remember when they play excellent football in the group stage usually they will end up not more than the quarter finals of the tournament. So, NL needs to keep the focus.

Bad News and "Good" News

Let's start with the bad news first. My potential PhD advisor, Yejin Choi is leaving from SBU to UW. In the beginning of the Spring semester, I was planning to work in summer with her.  But when I tried to contact her again at the end of the semester, her reply really shocked me. She is moving out. I was freezed for several seconds, can't believe what I've just read and start thinking is there any good reason to stay here. I mean, one of the main reasons I came to SBU was  Yejin Choi. And unfortunately, she is the only NLP faculty in CS department. So currently, there is no Prof. in NLP area at all. 

Ok, move on to the "good" news. Last semester, I passed all three qualifier courses. That was quite surprising as I didn't expect that at all. I really hate some quals as I need to study something I don't like and I have to secure A grades for those. And don't get me wrong, to get an A is not easy at all. Honestly, sometimes it's painful. Jesus Christ, why do we need to do this kind of thing for PhD in the US hahaha. However, I was relatively patient last semester, I studied really hard for the exams and somehow I aced  the exams.  So, am I proud that I've cleared three quals? The answer is NO. I've spent one year here and still no research work, and yes I have to clear another two quals next semester. One year is somehow wasted.

Admission Results

Up until this point, I got rejected by UMass Amherst and Emory University. For Carnegie Mellon University (CMU), I was offered for Master's.  Considering that CMU is one of the top schools in CS along with  other well known universities e.g. Stanford, MIT,  I really want to go there. However, for Master's there is no certainty in funding. Financially, it's almost impossible to afford $18.000 dollar a year just for tuition fee. I have to  sell my house in Salatiga to obtain such a lot of money! (which is crazy). 

In terms of academic path, honestly I don't mind to do Master's, as the credits obtained in Master's can be transferred to PhD. In fact, according to one of the PhD student , many of Master students in CMU continue to PhD program. Indeed, the PhD program is extremely competitive. In terms of academic excellence, I would say the admission committee would prefer a CMU student or other students from well known university with the GPA of 3.6 rather than, say, a graduate from a university in Indonesia with the GPA of 3.9. So, what can I do  is to compete from research experience e.g. publish a paper in a difficult conference, then I think my chance to be accepted will be increased. However, this is difficult to achieve, research is just a rigorous activity and you really need to focus.

The bottomline is, I think I have to close my dream to go to CMU  T_T

From the Fulbright program, I got accepted for PhD in University of Delaware. I never heard about this university and I do not know whether the research group in IR/NLP is active. In addition to that, the Scholarship from Fulbright only covers about $40000. Yes, the scholarship is very limited. Therefore, I would have a shortfall around $7000. Financially, it's still manageable, however I'm still not sure about the academic & research quality in the University of Delaware. 

So... Should I go for PhD now or push myself to the limit this year and re-apply again for the school that I actually wanted? 

Prayer

Lord, lead me today as You see best. Use the gifts You have given me to encourage others on their journey. Help me not to compare myself with others but to be content with who You have made me to be.

Bimbang

Setelah lama ga nge-blog, mari kita posting yang super gak mutu. Cuman curhat doang isinya.

Menunggu adalah hal yang paling menyebalkan. Apalagi menunggu sesuatu yang bener-bener diharapkan. Yah gw sekarang lagi nunggu pengumuman admission PhD. Gw apply sendiri ke 6 universitas.  Terus yang Fulbright, mereka apply 5 universitas. Tapi status gw untuk Fulbright masih diombang ambing. Sampe sekarang semuanya lom dapat pengumumannya. Gw terima-terima saja kalau ga ketrima univnya. Tapi, jujur gw bingung banget setelah itu gw mau ngapain? Re-apply? Atau  diem aja di Fasilkom?  Mroyek ? 

Bisa aja sih re-apply, tapi effortnya gede banget. Dan umur gw udah.... hiks taon ini kepala 3! Ya pengen settle gitu ceritanya. Okelah, sekolah bisa kapan saja, tapi gw punya rencana sendiri. Tahun lalu gw udah all out. Gw bikin 6 essay berbeda utk 6 universitas. Tes GRE sampe 2 kali dll. Jadi pengennya ya ini once in a lifetime attempt gitu deh. Cuapek soalnya! Ga enak juga minta-minta surat rekomendasi lagi ke 2 supervisor gw di Belanda, taon kemaren udah bener-bener ngerepotin mereka.  Bisa aja sih S3 ke Belanda, lebih gampang admissionnya. Tapi bener2 ga suka negaranya. Cukup sudah gw S2 saja disana. 

Kalau diem doang di Fasilkom gw ngerasa gw ga berkembang. Datar-datar saja jadinya. Bisa aja sih S3 di Fasilkom, sama aja sih menurut gw mau S3 dimana aja juga. Toh tergantung kitanya, tergantung paper yang dihasilkan kayak gimana. Walau tentu saja pengen S3 di luar biar bisa dapet supervisor "ternama", tp berdasarkan pengalaman gw dulu di Belanda supervisor ga terlalu ngaruh, gw belajar sendiri hampir semuanya. Tapi yang bikin kurang sreg, kalau S3 disini pasti sambil mengajar dan tentunya SKS gw ga bakal dikurangin. Takut gak konsen.

Mroyek? Yah ini maksudnya buat sampingan. Bikin apps apa kek. Tapi jujur aja susah bgt cari partner buat mrogram. Gw bukan kayak Gatot yang bener2 luar biasa usahanya dalam hal-hal seperti ini. Gw dulu terlalu berpikir sederhana. Gw pikir semuanya akan mulus-mulus saja, uang bukanlah segalanya dll. Maklum waktu itu masih idealis. Sekarang sih jadi lebih realistis hehehe.

Hmm, bener-bener bingung, bimbang. Kalau lagi kayak gini pasti inget bokap. Tapi sayang dia gak bisa ditanyain lagi. Moga-moga Bokap yang satunya memberi penerangan bagi gw :-) 

Mas, Pak, Dik, Bu

Ternyata panggilan gw bisa berubah-ubah dengan keadaan fisik gw. Ketika gw berpenampilan botak, pake kaos, dan celana pendek biasanya gw dipanggil Mas/Dik. Ketika rambut gw gondrong, brewok ga dicukur dan memakai pakaian resmi gw dipanggil Pak. Dan belakangan gw pernah dipanggil Bu (secara tidak sengaja tentunya) pas sidang si Wati (Fasilkom 2008). 

Lusuh

Beberapa waktu lalu saya merayakan ulang tahun terakhir di kepala 2, ya benar umur 29. Dan seperti biasa banyak yang minta traktir. Salah satunya tentu saja adik saya. Doi minta ditraktir di restoran yang "mahal" dan enak. Saya sih ok-ok saja. Yah jarang-jarang ini. Jadi adik saya ini pengen makan di restoran Korea deket GI. Berangkatlah kita naik taksi kesana. Turunnya di GI, terus nyebrang ke restoran tersebut (sebelah 7eleven persis). Sebelom nyebrang, adik minta tolong liatin ke restorannya dari jauh, orang2nya high profile ga, banyak pengunjung ga. Trus beberapa waktu kemudian dia ngomong, "Ora sidho wae lah, lha kowe lusuh ngono! Rambut mbok yo dicukur, nganggo klambi sing apik sithik. Pantesan wae kowe ra entuk-entuk pacar.". Buset dah bwahahaha. Ada benernya juga sih :P 

Mentor

Walau saya sudah skeptis bekerja di dunia industri namun tidak ada salahnya berbagi pengalaman di dunia kerja yang saya alami dulu. Mungkin banyak yang berpikir, gimana sih cara kita sukses di tempat kerja? Gimana sih kita bisa berprestasi di kantor? de el el. Banyak sih jalannya, tapi kalau gw lihat pengalaman gw, salah satunya adalah kalau kita punya mentor yang baik.

Kenapa sih kita perlu mentor yang baik? Kalau kita masuk perusahaan yang baru, artinya kita harus belajar lagi cara kerja mereka gimana, culture-nya gimana, prosedur-prosedur yang harus dilakukan gimana dll. Bisa dibilang sangat susah kalau kita ingin mempelajarinya sendiri. Biasanya ya kita tanya orang lain yng udah berpengalaman disitu atau ya bisa dibilang mentor. Saya merasa beruntung ketika saya bekerja dulu bisa mendapatkan mentor yang baik.

Waktu kerja bentar di LAPI Divusi ITB, rekan sekerja saya namanya mas Hananto. Orangnya baik banget, helpful banget. Pokoknya apapun yang dia tahu ga segan-segan dia transfer ke saya. Ga mandang saya orang baru atau apa. Secara teknikal, orangnya hebat banget, belajar sesuatu cepet banget dan ngajarinnya juga gampang dimengerti. 

Waktu kerja di BP (British Petroleum), supervisor saya namanya Mas FX Ruswahyudi. Man, kalau ngeliat orangnya sekilas rada ga meyakinkan hehe. Tp smart abislah ni orang, karakternya juga mirip dengan Mas Hananto, tp lebih tegas saja. Ya pokoknya sudah kayak temen saja sih. Mau bagi ilmu banyak dan selalu melindungi gw dari kerjaan laen yng bukan tanggung jawab gw hahaha.

Waktu kerja di ASML (pas di negeri kompeni sono), mentor gw Bert Scholten, senior software engineer. Untuk ukuran orang Belanda bisa dibilang doi ramah banget. Kerjanya efisien banget. Dateng selalu jam 07.00 pulang jam 16.00. Ga pernah lembur tapi kerjaan selalu beres. Pas gw kerja satu project sama dia, gw dapet BANYAK BUANGET dari dia. Untuk kerja di ASML itu bukan perkara mudah, biasanya kita ditraining dulu sebelom kita develop sesuatu. Soalnya kita ga bisa langsung ngoding aja. Kita harus belajar BUANYAK sekali prosedur sebelom coding contohnya submit change request, submit patch request, gimana cara ngebuild code, gimana cara ngetes code di simulator, gimana cara ngetes code di mesin sebenarnya dan laen laen. Pokoknya setiap lo ngerjain project baru biasanya you have no idea what are you going to do. Pak Bert ini baek bangetlah, pas pertama kali project dia njelasin apapun yang perlu gw ngerti. Hampir tiap hari gw nanya dia hahaha. Dan dia selalu sabar ngejelasin. Pas gw resign dari ASML utk pulang ke Indonesia, dia jg yng ngedatengin gw pertama kali (walau kita gak satu grup).  Well, gak biasa lho orang Belanda kayak gitu, biasanya sih mereka cuek aja. Jadi agak tersentuh hehehe. 

So, itu kira-kira sedikit cerita dari saya. Ya pokoknya intinya mentor2 di atas itu ciri2nya agak2 sama sih. Gak pelit ilmu. Gak takut disaingi. Mau mendorong orang lain agar maju. Ga pernah menyerah. Mentor itu penting, mereka membuat Anda menjadi orang yang lebih baik.

Teman

Hari demi hari rasanya berlalu cepat sekali. Sekarang saja sudah bulan Maret hehe. Beberapa temen juga sebentar lagi akan pindah ke Jakarta. Silvi udah dapet kerja di ai bi em, dan udah nyari kosan. Nia juga bentar lagi paling dapet kerja *aminnn* dan pasti ngekos di Jakarta juga.  Padahal bergaul dengan anak2 muda yng asik, lucu ini bisa ngilangin stress kerjaan hehehe. Ya sudahlah, life must go on. Setiap pertemuan pasti ada perpisahan.

Bicara soal teman, hmm, kalau gw inget-nget ya temen kuliah di IF dulu yng gw anggep deket sih ada beberapa contohnya Ridho, Darmawan, Teddy. Ya bukan berarti gw ga temenan dengan yang laen, tp kayaknya sih yang deket & nyambung ya tiga orang itu. Gw bisa cerita apapun dan mereka selalu bisa mendengarkan. Dan kadang2 ya mereka ngasi pendapat mereka. Bercanda juga nyambung, yng gw anggap lucu jg mereka anggap lucu, begitu sebaliknya.


Udah cukup lama ga ketemu mereka, Ridho kerja di ai bi em, Darmawan ai bi em, dan Teddy dulu jg di ai bi em :)) Udah lama juga ga ketemu mereka, dan kadang2 kalo nginget masa S1 dulu wah pengen mengulang masa-masa itu. Mulai dari naik motor ke Circle K malem2 buat beli cemilan, ke warung di Alpina Dago Asri nyari cemilan jg :P Jalan-jalan bareng keliling Bandung, belajar bareng, ospek bareng, mikir bareng apa yang harus ditulis di SMS utk kecengan dll hehehe.

Merefleksikan hal ini, kayaknya gak sehat kalau gw tiap hari hanya di kantor, nginep di kantor, gitu2 doang. Gw harus lebih bergaul. Karena kayaknya teman itu kebutuhan. 

Regret?

I was cleaning up my inbox from old messages and found an e-mail, dated 1 year ago. It was about interview opportunity from the largest search eng. company in the world based in the US. However, I rejected it without even to try  give a shot. Now, honestly speaking, I can feel something... hmm..regret?